Suddenly summer is the best case scenario

Three more months of a distant life

After the National Post obtained a federal government document saying measures to combat the coronavirus will stick around all spring, Toronto’s chief medical officer of health, Eileen de Villa, officially forecast a plan that will take 12 weeks. Ontario is also requiring anyone who’s caught breaching emergency orders to produce identification.


A season of just staying home

Toronto cancelled all mass events through June 30, a horizon which remains rare by the standards of the planet, with the rationale that large gatherings won’t quickly return after the COVID-19 curve is flattened. The decision to keep Ontario public schools closed was only advanced to May 4, in favour of distance learning programs.


The nurse who went viral with a plea for medical supplies. Alex Cane’s social media following, due to her having been a national bikini champion, brought wide attention to her claim of a “dire need” for masks and other items. The shortage was downplayed by her Toronto workplace, St. Joseph’s Health Centre, and Cane deleted her video.


Sussexes delete their account

Critics reviewing Meghan Markle’s narration of the documentary Elephant largely weren’t in the mood for her Disney debut. The decision by Markle and Prince Harry to leave Canada in favour of L.A. might’ve been hastened by COVID-19. But the U.S. won’t pay for security for the couple now that they formally signed off from British royal life:


Bell Media will be trying to reinvent the newscast on Quibi. Four women were announced as anchors for CTV and TSN updates on the mobile video platform. The short-form video outlet debuts April 6 with the hopes of turning captive viewers into mobile ones who can watch Quibi shows like celebrities giving money to needy normies.


Finally, a lean meaty professor

Jordan Peterson might’ve had public things to say about these pandemic times if he hadn’t recently undergone a health ordeal, which reportedly included a medically induced coma. But his daughter, Mikhalia, shared a video of JBP in remote control:

Spotted @jordan.b.peterson actually enjoying himself. Hope you guys are finding time to do the same.
March 30, 2020